Melt a Carsicle in Lærdal
by Lyra Harp
Summary: Have you ever been in a tunnel and felt that that brief time in beautiful space with glorifying shadows and illuminating lights was too short? Jazz's charge, Lillian Wescott, has no problem explaining the experience for you. She also happens to be carsexual. This is a warning. Now with snow scenes! Poor Jazz...All he wanted to do was go outside and celebrate the Christmas season!
1. Fantasy Highway

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007).

The greatest experience is being in your car and driving through a tunnel at night. The yellow and white lights illuminate everything...and I mean everything. Everything from the walls of the tunnel that no one appreciates to the road and most importantly, the cars. If you think that your car is a piece of junk, all you have to do is watch someone else drive it through a tunnel and you will find a reason to love it in that heat. The blend of lights sends a buzz through your system. The roar of the engine sends hot shivers down your spine. You can feel each indent the tires take as you speed along at sixty miles an hour. Every rumble, every sight...Oh what a view it is. I cannot form this into words clearly enough because being in that tunnel is something that you have to experience. A movie cannot capture it and neither can words. You have to feel the engine, see the lights and the illumination...The lights, especially yellow, cast the most beautiful shadows over your skin. You don't want to take your eyes off the road. You know, realistically, that if you were to do so, you would crash. But the beautiful fantasy laid out in front of you is too much to describe. I have tried to save the experience in my mind, but nothing is ever good enough.

I wish that my car could just drive itself so that, for that single minute that is much too short, I could stretch out in the backseats and let the vibrations of the engine roar through me so that I may soar for that minute. That tunnel goes against physics. When we are in that tunnel, time disappears. You hear nothing while in that tunnel besides the beautiful sounds of cars passing you. It is as though you are going ten miles while everyone else is going one hundred. Beauty. The only thing that is a beast in that tunnel is the cars that make me want to purr like a cat along to the engine...except to the extreme. A little purring kitten is what you feel coursing through your veins when you see the perfect car and trace it with your fingers, leanning against the metal, gripping the sterring wheel and going for a test run. That's when you know you've found the perfect car. Forget how appealing the car is. When you feel that engine...when you feel yourself float on air when the car doesn't make a sound while driving at the speed that gets your heart racing...that is when you connect. That fatal connection that you make with your car is crucial. My car isn't alive, but if it were...we would ride through the Lærdal Tunnel in Norway, and take care of the longest drive known to man. We would fly on air at its top speed. Its engine and my heart would purr, hesitate, and stop as one.

Every car is sleek. My heart would personally stall if I saw my sleek silver porsche riding on that glistening road in that dazzling settling. Colour doesn't matter in that tunnel, but the yellow lights pop on silver like you wouldn't believe. I have a feeling that if my car were alive, it would allow me that minute or so in the backseat. The engine would heat me up through the seats. The wires and cables underneath the hood would stroke the skin that is illuminated by the lights. The engine would give a jump start at the arrival to the light, setting off a chain reaction in that stimulating lion's roar. The transfluid would leak out of the exhaust, which would then coat the seats in a shiny smooth silk, making them smell like heart clenching gasoline. The lights would illuminate and capture the scene. Those lights make everything purrrfect. Perhaps that is why a romantic setting involves the comfort of a bedroom and a hundred candles. My bed is the backseats. The candles that set the mood are the yellow tunnel lights.

Even the shadows are sexy in that tunnel. It all fits together. Everything becomes one. For that single minute that you are in that tunnel, the world drifts away into a beautiful fantasy of a blurr of illuminated cars riding on air. Then you exit the tunnel...and the magic is gone.

Author's Note: The Lærdal Tunnel is the longest tunnel in the world (24.5 km or 15.2 miles).


	2. Carshmellow

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007).

I stretched in the backseat as I woke up, arching my back as I did so. Jazz's engine roared, which sadly didn't have the same effect as it did in my fantasy of traveling down the longest tunnel in the world with nothing but yellow lights and cables caressing skin, playful shadows, and time. Enough time to actually overload, let alone work myself up into a frenzy. _If only I could purr_...I settled for sighing in relief as I settled back down to the seats. "Down boy," I chuckled lazily.

"Ya always wake up like that?" Jazz asked teasingly with a purr of affection.

I smiled genuinely. "You would've noticed by now," I said gently.

Jazz noticed my dreamy state of mind and used the cable that had been wrapped around me to caress my face. "Ya okay?"

I hummed in appreciation. "Purrrfect." I looked out at the windshield before sighing contently and snuggling the seat cushion. "I love this weather," I whispered as though I was floating on air.

"Ah know," Jazz said in amusement. "Ya squeal an' jump whenever ya see snow. Yer like a kid at Christmas."

"Christmas means that the snow has to leave soon," I said sadly as I sat up. "I like the holiday and all, but the day after completely sucks. The radio stations all stop playing Christmas music even though people still have their trees up. People throw away their gingerbread cookies and toss their pretty decorations in boxes." I pouted. "I like everything about this season. Everything about it makes me happy."

"It's a good season," Jazz agreed while curling the single cable around me. He purred. "Good for cuddling."

I giggled as the cable brushed against my sides. "I know," I said teasingly when the cable stopped moving. "A certain someone told me you take advantage of the season for extra cuddlin' and kisses."

"Miseltoe is officially the best invention made by human hands," Jazz said in defense before hesitating. "Ah wish we had it back on Cybertron."

My smile dampered. "I know," I whispered as I petted the cable. I stared at the floor for a moment. "You can always take some with you," I said gently. "When the war is over and you guys go back-"

"What makes ya think we'll be goin' back?" Jazz said shocked. "All o' the autobots love humans, Lil. We ain't leavin'. Prowler and Ah certainly ain't leavin' ya behind. Yer our socket an' that ain't changin'."

I could tell that I had struck a nerve. "I know. I'm-"

"_Lil_," Jazz said warningly.

"What? All I wanted to say was-"

"_Lil!_"

"I'm-"

"Lil Wescott!"

"Ah ain't done nothin'!" I giggled.

"Ta the pit ya ain't done nothin'!" Jazz said in mock anger. "Don' ya dare finish yer sentence, Wescott!"

"Or what?" I asked teasingly with my arms crossed. "Ya can't do nothin' unless yer in robot mode." I stuck my tongue out at the radio. "So ha."

"Ah'll give ya 'ha'," Jazz said threatenly as the cable unwhined. "Ah'll give ya all the 'ha' ya can handle."

"Great comeback," I said with a nervous grin. "Where'd ya get that from? Prowl?"

"Oh no ya didn't!" Jazz screamed before attacking me with the cable. "Ya did not just insult mah bonded!"

I laughed insanely as Jazz poked me repeatedly in the stomach. "Jazz!" I gasped out.

"Ya apologize! Right now!"

"Ahahahaha! I-ahaha! Sorry!"

"Ah can't hear ya!"

"_Sorry!_"

Jazz stopped poking me. I continued to giggle as I took in gulps of air. "Easy girl." I jumped when Jazz's cable brushed against a certain sensitive area. "Ya okay?" Jazz said sensually.

I breathed deeply while waiting for my heart to calm down. "Peachy," I said slowly.

The cable approached my face. "Ya okay? Really. Yer spark's goin' nuts."

I took comfort in the cable and my heart slowly chilled out along with the seats. "Probably just from the environment. I love the snow and all, but I never could stay outside in it too long." My eyebrows furrowed as I felt the seats beneath me. I swore. "Jazz, your freezing. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Cybertronians can handle much worse than this, Lil. All it takes is-That's weird."

I immediately froze. "What's weird?" I grew nervous when Jazz didn't answer. "_What_'_s weird?_" I repeated urgently.

"Chill, girl. Jus' doin' a diagnostic check." I settled against the freezing door. _Primus_, I thought as I really looked at the windows for the first time. Jazz was covered in snow. I couldn't see a dang thing besides puffy clouds of white snow.

"Your a carshmellow, Jazz. Why didn't you tell me we were buried under snow? I would've gotten out and shoveled."

"We got bigger problems than meh being a carshmellow," Jazz said seriously. "Ah got carsicles on meh all over the dang place. Ah can't move mah joints."

I raised my eyebrows in shock. "You mean you can't transform?"

"Ah mean Ah can't _move_."

I let my head fall back to the window that was really a sheet of ice by the feel of it. "Scrap."


	3. Melting Carsicles

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Transformers_ (2007).

"I have to do _what_ to the _who now?_" I asked in a mixture of embarrassment and shock.

"The gear-"

"BkjdfhgsjgI know what a G.S.D is!" I said while flailing.

"Lil, do ya see anything else that ya-?" Jazz began in amusement.

"Hush!" I growled. I put my head in my right hand, curling in on myself. "Why does it have to be the _gearshift? _Is that even possible?"

"Accordin' ta Sam an'-"

"No offense Jazz, but I really don't need to know who has done this before."

"Why not? Create a better picture for ya."

"I already have a clear picture of how this will work_ thank you_."

"Lil, chill. Ah wouldn't suggest it if ya wouldn't be able ta handle it."

I scowled at the gearshift before sighing. "Fine. Whatever." _I will never look at a gearshift the same way again_.

"Whoa, hold up!"

I jumped and hit my head on the roof. "_Ow! What?_"

"Were ya seriously jus' goin' ta cover it?"

I blushed. "Yes. Why?"

"That would hurt the most relaxed person, Lil. Which ya ain't."

"Gee thanks."

Jazz sighed. I frowned before sitting again. "Sorry. Even though I'm somewhat carsexual I never considered this."

Jazz chuckled. "Somewhat?" he teased. "Lil, ya squealed when ya saw Blurr's alt mode."

I crossed my arms. "Ain't mah fault," I mumbled. "Anything below the seventies provokes a given fangirl reaction. Besides, it was a Japanese model."

"So?"

"_So?_" I asked in disbelief. "Anime, mech! Anime!"

"Okay, okay. Lil?"

"What?" I huffed.

"Ya wouldn't happen ta be distracting meh, would ya?"

"What? No, that was all you. Your the one who brought up alt modes."

"Yer the one who brought up being a carsexual."

"Considering the circumstances, it seemed warranted." I scowled at the gear shift as I heated up somewhat. "Jazz, do I really-"

"Yes, Lil. Unless ya wan' meh ta remain frozen."

_Can_'_t we just wait until spring comes around or something? _

_And what? Starve? _

I sighed. "I would never want that."

"'Course not, Lil."

I froze when Jazz's holoform suddenly appeared on my lap. "Mech, I thought you were frozen."

"Holoform's don' apply."

"Why can't the holoform just do it?"

"Kinda hard ta frag myself, Lil. Besides, the holoform ain't connected ta mah real form. Won't do nothin'."

"Fine, I-mhm." I relaxed into the kiss gradually before looking up at him. "If I break something, your getting punished."

He chuckled. "Whatever ya say, Lil."


	4. A Medbay Christmas Story

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers (2007)_.

_Lil, c'mon_...

I fumed in Ratchet's alt mode with my arms crossed. _Of all the stunts_..._of every possible situation to be in_..._that was one of the worst_. _Maybe not _the _worst, but it was pretty damn close to it_.

_Lil, Ah promise it_ _wasn't on purpose-_

I huffed before looking out the window. I knew that it wasn't on purpose, but- _He could_'_ve at least predicted it_. _He knows how anatomy works_. _Hasn_'_t he ever heard of the story about the kid who was dared to stick his tongue to the metal pole in winter?_

It was bad enough before Ratchet showed up. _If he didn_'_t show up and _that_ didn_'_t happen, it would_'_ve been fine_. _I_ _would_'_ve unfrozen Jazz, and he would_'_ve kept what happened out there a secret_..._Okay, maybe he would_'_ve told Prowl and Miles_. _But Primus knows that those two wouldn_'_t tell a soul_. It was bad enough when I realized that I was actually frozen to the gearshift, but the moment that Jazz told me that he had to call Ratchet...I thought I was going to die. Ratchet would never tell a soul, either, and he had the good grace not to laugh at the situation, but the process to actually detach from Jazz hurt like the pit. _I_ _don_'_t know what that kid with the pole had to go through, maybe a hot poker or hot water or something, but I can guartantee that this hurt worse_. _He may not have been able to eat for a while, but at least he didn_'_t have to walk like_..._like_..._Hell, I don_'_t even know if I_ could _walk normally_. _Not even for show_. _Its hard enough to sit down enough as it is_. _It_'_s just_...I placed my hands over my eyes as tears started to form. _Pit, it hurts_.

"Lillian," Ratchet said gently. "I'm going to give you a sedative. It will ensure that you won't be able to feel or see anything during the first stage of the healing and rejuvenation process."

I nodded before Ratchet's holoform stuck the needle in my arm.

_Sleep well, Lil_, Jazz whispered mentally.

I shut him out before I passed out.

~0~

A normal person would wake up from statis feeling groggy. I wake up feeling like I got the best sleep of my life and go right into question mode without even greeting Ratchet properly.

"How long have I been in stasis?"

"Three days."

"How long until I can walk?"

"Unfortunally, the best answer I can give you is that only time can tell."

I looked down at the white blanket covering my lower half. My grip tightened slightly on the white sheet. My arms worked fine, but... "How long until I can feel my legs again?"

"It's only so that you won't have to feel the pain. Once your vestibule starts to heal, I will lessen the amount of sedative input into your system."

I nodded. I understood the logic, but it scared me to not be able to feel or move my legs. If my upper body wasn't able to move, I would have a heart attack.

"How's Jazz healing?" Considering that he was all about moving with style and dancing with grace, this had to be difficult for him as well.

Ratchet hesitated in his work to look down at me. "Prowl is taking care of him in their quarters. I gave a medical order for both to be off duty."

"And Miles?"

"He's still on duty." I looked at the wall in front of me. "Do you wish to see him?"

I shook my head. "I was just wondering."

It was silent for a while before Ratchet's comlink went off. "Prowl has asked permission to visit you."

"Fine."

Ratchet stared at me before sighing and opening the medbay doors long enough for Prowl to squeeze through. Ratchet wasn't taking any chances that any bot may see any of his patients, and in my current condition, I was thankful for the security.

"How's the healing process?"

"We have successfully completed stage one and stage two. She just has to rest and let her body heal on its own before she attempts walking."

I winced mentally. _Walking_. _Humph_. I sighed. _You just _had_ to unfreeze _'_the fun way_'_,_ _didn_'_t you?_

_I see you are awake and ready for battle_, Prowl said humorously.

_Is she really? _Miles chimed in good naturedly. _Let me at her_. _I could put her down in two seconds_.

_I believe I_'_ve already been put down long enough, thank you, Miles_. _Though I appreciate the offer for providing an outlet for my frustration_.

_No prob, Lil_. _Tell me when she chills out, Prowl_. _I wanna come see her_.

_I will email you at that time_, Prowl assured.

..._You both know I can hear you, right?_

_What_'_s that, Lil? I_'_m_..._the_..._tunnel_...

I rolled my eyes at the fake static. _Humph_.

Prowl sat next to me and rubbed my back. _Are you truly still this upset at Jazz?_

_Let me put it this way_. _If I wasn_'_t in my current predicament,_ _I_'_d kill the mech_.

_Surely you don_'_t mean that_.

I kept my head down. _Of course I don_'_t_, I admitted silently. _But_..._Pit_..._Prowl_...

_I know_.

_How?_

_Lillian, I have been bonded to Jazz longer than you and Miles lifetimes put together_. _I have been through plenty with him, good and bad, but I_'_ve been with him long enough to know that he wouldn_'_t do something of this magnitude on purpose_.

_This goes past a simple prank, Prowl_.

_Believe me, Lillian_. _This wasn_'_t a prank_. _He_ _didn_'_t-_

_Do it on purpose_. _Yeah, I know_.

I heard Miles snort mentally. I huffed. _What?_

_Nothing_.

_No, seriously_. _What?_

_You_'_ll explode_.

I snorted. _I assure you that I can not possibly get any madder than I am right now_..._unless the Twins showed up_. _Explain what you find so amusing_.

_It_'_s not your predicament, per se_...

_Go on_.

_You do realize that your previous statement is ironic, right?_

I raised an eyebrow even though he couldn't see it. _What statement? I see nothing humorous about-Oh for the love of-Your a moron, you know that?_

_That_'_s me_. _Miles the moron_.

"Humph." _Wise guy_, I thought in amusement with a small smile on my face.

Prowl leanned down to kiss my cheek. "It will be fine, Lillian. Just give it time."

_Hopefully not too much time_. _I_'_ll slowly go mental if I can_'_t_ _move my whole body_.

He chuckled. _Jazz is in the same predicament_. _He_'_s only allowed to listen to my music selections so that he won_'_t be tempted to do anything that will interfere with or prolong the healing process_.

I winced. _Ouch_._ Your music?_

_Yes_. _Is there anything wrong with the music I listen to?_

_Uh oh_, Miles chuckled. _I_ _wouldn_'_t answer that one if I were you_.

_Nothing_'_s wrong with your music, Prowl_. _Unlike _some _people, I actually like your music_.

_I_'_m wounded! _Miles thought dramatically.

I rolled my eyes. _All I_'_m saying is that it_'_s probably a notch slower than what he_'_s used to_. _It serves its purpose just fine_. _I assume that it_'_s_ _better than silence_.

_Much better_, Prowl agreed.

_Nice save_.

_Miles, shut up_.

He chuckled. _Got it_. _Catch ya on the flip side_.

I rolled my eyes when he blocked us from his mental space. _I swear he and Jazz are related_.

_They say the same thing about us, you know_.

_What?_

'_Prowl but human and female_.'

_Have they lost their motherboards? _I winced at the cold I was confronted with. _It_'_s an honor, believe me_. _To be referred to as the SIC_. _Not that there_'_s anything wrong with you at all_. _Damn, that sounded bad_. _You_ _don_'_t-I mean, I have started pranks before_._ You don_'_t pull pranks_. _Even if you did, I_'_m sure they would be much more impressive_. _Not that you ever would-I mean, you could-but-I highly doubt that anyone would ever know it was you even if you did because they would never expect the stonic SIC to-Not that your stonic or anything_. _I love your personality, it_'_s just- _I covered my burning face. _Shutting up now_.

Prowl tilted his head at me. _Honor?_

_I just rambled on for how long, basically insulted you in the process, and that_'_s all you hear?_

_Believe it or not, I_'_m used to being called stonic_. _It_'_s part of being a tactician_. _I can never make mistakes_. _That_'_s why I_'_m so hard on the soldiers_. _To remind them that there are consequences for their actions_. _But_ _I_'_ve never been told that it's an honor to be identical to me or that anyone loves my personality-Besides Jazz and Miles, of course_.

_Of course_, I replied. _I_'_m still confused_. _Seriously, that_'_s all you heard?_

_I picked up on the possible insults_, Prowl said in amusement. _Jazz told me that you ramble when nervous_. _I just hadn_'_t witnessed it to this extent_.

_It was worse during the prank war_. I removed my hand from my face. _Much worse_.

_I know_. I glanced at him. _Jazz replayed the recording for me along with_..._a rather amusing introduction_.

_What introduction?_

_Hound Dog by Elvis Presley_.

I smiled. _He would_. I frowned. _How is he?_

_He would be better if you spoke with him_.

_Ever the tactician_.

_Consider the offer_.

When Prowl left, I looked up at Ratchet. "Ratchet, is Blaster on duty?"

"Yes."

"Can you contact him when he is rested and off duty?" He nodded. "Great. Do you have my ipod on you?" He raised an optic ridge. "I won't blast it, honest."

"You could never blast it as loud as Jazz," he said as he handed it to me. "Just what are you doing?"

I smiled slightly. "Planning a rescue mission."


End file.
